I had a whole post written up about the death of my uncle the night before last, but I'm trying to make my journal more of a lighthearted place, so I think simply mentioning it is enough. He was the last remaining link to the people who raised me, and now that he's gone, my brother and sister and I occupy the positions of elders in my family. It's unfathomable, and the rest of my life to the visible horizon feels different already.

In other news - well, not news, since my flist is far ahead of me on this front, but [livejournal.com profile] lokifan's Love Meme is busy spreading joy and providing a chance to comment with fondness and admiration to friends and vaguely familiar names you know only from this one memorable fic or that beloved piece of art. I was very touched by the sweet words people left for me, considering I've been an unproductive member of fandom for a couple of years now (something I hope to change with [livejournal.com profile] hoggywartyxmas, because by God, I really like the fic I'm writing, and I want to do it justice for my recipient's sake <3). Go over there and scatter some love if you haven't already, or add your own name. Don't be shy. I'm a little behind on paying compliments, but I'll get there.

Lastly, I'd like to point you to a marvelous short comic on deviantArt, although I suppose I ought to warn the unwary that Snape/Dumbledore is one of my favorite pairings, and you'll get an eyeful by clicking the link. It's beautifully drawn, amusing and poignant by turns, with a sprinkling of winter and a dusting of romance. And I urge you to read the artist's tongue-in-cheek description of what the heck led to this unconsummated kiss.

A cringeworthy event by lifeofapottedplant. (Click on the image to enlarge it.)
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From: [identity profile] akatnamedeaster.livejournal.com


I was very touched by the sweet words people left for me

You deserve every one of them, my dear!

I'm sorry for the loss of your uncle. I imagine how difficult it is to now be considered the "heads" of the family. *hugs* I hope you've had some time to yourself to grieve.

On a sort of related note, I'm always so happy to see you on my feed. Best of luck with your fic!
Edited Date: 2016-11-21 04:52 pm (UTC)

From: [identity profile] perverse-idyll.livejournal.com


Thank you so much, dearest Kat. It was a happy accident that the Love Meme came along at a time when I really needed it to counter the latest shadow on my life.

I'll feel my uncle's loss for a long time to come, but he was 93 and had been waiting to die; he was just too stoic and stubborn to let go. His departure signals the end of 13 years of watching my mother, my aunt, and my uncle suffer horribly as they struggled toward their separate ends. There's freedom in that, in not being caretakers anymore, but it will take some getting used to.

Ah, my fic. Me and deadlines, aaargh. This story can use big helpings of luck. It's got promise, but it's also got me as the writer bringing it into the world, and my track record hasn't been good lately.

*hugs back*

From: [identity profile] therealsnape.livejournal.com


You being a great writer is what I was thinking of, dear. You'll manage, I'm sure of it. Just think of all the Hoggywarty fun ahead.


From: [identity profile] perverse-idyll.livejournal.com


My ego is blushing, but my inner critic is folding her arms, tapping her toe, and sneering, "Yes, well…" I have a multitude of bits and pieces and not enough time to weld them all together. I fear this will be the sketchiest and least coherent fic I've produced yet.

But yes indeed, I'm absolutely looking forward to the Hoggywarty delights that lie in store!

From: [identity profile] pir8fancier.livejournal.com


I am at the threshold of that dark door myself. What I find is worst is that I'm losing dear friends as well. ::holds you close::

From: [identity profile] perverse-idyll.livejournal.com


Ah, my dear, I know, and I'm so sorry. It's so hard to be helpless in the face of it. And it sometimes reaches the point where it's preferable for the people passing through that door, but for those of us left behind, it feels like something has been wrenched out of our arms and stolen away forever.

And oh, the friends - I agree, that's more shocking somehow. My friend Bonnie's death preceded those of my beloved relatives, and her loss was huge. And bitterly unfair.

*holds tight* Thank you. And take care of yourself.

From: [identity profile] lash-larue.livejournal.com


Inheriting the grownup mantle is always sobering. I take comfort in the sure knowledge that I'll pass it on someday :)

Great to hear from you,

L

From: [identity profile] perverse-idyll.livejournal.com


Yes. I don't feel qualified to wear the mantle, but of course it's not really about how I feel. And it seems to me the next generation is better prepared than I am assume that role, so I'll happily pass it along to them when the time comes.

It's always lovely to see you, my dear. <3
tetleythesecond: (Default)

From: [personal profile] tetleythesecond


I'm so sorry, dear PI, for your loss! Never feel that you have to hold back unhappy information -- we're here for the good and the bad times.

Also, I'm not surprised people left you kind words. Whether your "productivity" is up or down doesn't change anything to the fact that you're an awesome, kind, strong person who is generous even when life treats you harshly. ♥

Oh dear, Hoggywarty. Need to get back to my fic, which kind of looks like a third-grader's half-finished sock.

From: [identity profile] perverse-idyll.livejournal.com


Thank you, Tetley. <3 I wasn't there when my uncle died, and I've noticed that not being able to say goodbye delays the sense of closure. (I first wrote "acceptance," but I don't feel very accepting.)

And I really do want to keep my journal more upbeat and creative. It seems to me the majority of my posts for the past few years have been whinge-fests. I was back-reading in search of a post I remembered writing a few years ago about fictional crushes, and the difference in tone from even three years back is disturbing. I used to be so much happier, and it shows. I used to indulge in silliness!

Work has been doing its best to keep me from using my brain cells. As a result, my Hoggywarty fic went from feeling like a Mondrian - this rectangle goes here, that square takes up too much room, this side needs a thick plastering of red - to feeling like my muse has gone all Jackson Pollack on me, and everything is smeared together and splashed with black. Neither approach is what I want.

I look forward to seeing the sock masterpiece once it's complete because I imagine it will exceed all prior socks and be granted the Dumbledore seal of approval. ;)
ext_7739: (Default)

From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_hannelore/


*hugs* I'm so sorry to hear about your uncle. ♥ Keeping you in my thoughts.

From: [identity profile] perverse-idyll.livejournal.com


Thank you, my dear. *hugs* Be well. I hope you and [livejournal.com profile] pauraque and P have a delightful T day (where T = the description of your choice). Relax, enjoy - and please don't leave us for Tumblr!
ext_7739: (Default)

From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_hannelore/


*big hugs* Oh no worries there, I see tumblr more as something of a snowglobe with shiny things to be shaken from time to time, but LJ will always be my home. ♥

From: [identity profile] kellychambliss.livejournal.com


Sorry to hear about your uncle, my dear. I know that scary feeling, of being the "elder" now (I have one aunt left, but she is 100 and doesn't live near me). A very different vantage point.

So looking forward to your Hoggywarty story. Any year with a new PI story is going to have at least one really bright spot.

From: [identity profile] perverse-idyll.livejournal.com


Thank you, Kelly. In a way, he's the "easiest" to lose because he was the most unapproachable - not physically affectionate, not one for talking, and our philosophies of life were poles apart. But it's still heartbreaking.

Augh, don't get your hopes up in the fic department. Work has been a nonstop stress machine, and I always get creatively constipated under stress (how's that for a clever metaphor, eh?). But I'll try to do right by my story and my recipient. The one thing I can count on: Hoggywarty will be a joy no matter how dubious my contribution. It will be such a pleasure to hang out with my friends again - fictional ones included.

From: [identity profile] cranky--crocus.livejournal.com


I am sending you much love and as many hugs as you might want for the now-and-future. I'm sorry for your loss.

Damn, that is one hell of a beautiful comic!

From: [identity profile] perverse-idyll.livejournal.com


Hello, dear one. I'm trying to catch up a bit, and I see I never replied to your kind words. Thank you, and I would be happy to have a mutual hug-fest, and to store up for a future when hugs are in short supply.

I hope our body is cooperating and on the path to feeling stronger. And may the dark days of winter stay out of your bones - or may there at least always be a hearthfire somewhere nearby to splash gold light about and make the darkness beautiful.

From: [identity profile] cranky--crocus.livejournal.com


I am always trying to catch up a bit. Easier now I've finally finished Hoggywarty (loved the writing but with my body so bad it sure was harder than it's ever been).

The body isn't feeling so strong but today Intry physical therapy again, just at home with a friend as I still can't find a therapist. Not sure how it's going to go with the back pains. Trying to keep a hearthfire burning in me so I'm never far from it--and now I have those lovely words to stoke it.

Tonight's the Solstice so if I'm still able I'll be up all night to bring in the dawn. Then on to longer days. Relieved I can still find my love of winter through the pain.

From: [identity profile] mywitch.livejournal.com


That comic is all kinds of gorgeous! Wowza, thanks for sharing that link! :D
Also, hello! Thanks for friending me back. I've been a fan of yours for a while now. I haven't read much of your work, but your comments are fantastic and we love a lot of the same fics.

From: [identity profile] perverse-idyll.livejournal.com


Isn't that a wonderful piece? Great use of perspective and partial framing, and her versions of Snape and Dumbledore are so full of life and variety. For both of them, you often see the same sets of expressions (sneering, twinkling), and Lifeofapottedplant ignores those conventions and gives them other things to do. Especially Snape. His moment of wonder and communion with the rain (apparently while high as fuck) and his uncertain/hopeful look when Dumbledore's about to kiss him - you just don't get to see Snape acting young or vulnerable very often.

And hi! Sorry for my very erratic presence, by the way. I've become sort of a fandom ghost (long story, bad life experiences), so I tend to be a bit late on getting back to people. And oh dear, I have a feeling my main contribution to fandom will end up being, not my stories, but my backlog of comments! It's flattering to have someone who's not the author/artist actually read them.

Somewhere along the way, though, I mislaid my ability to leave intelligent feedback. I still love proselytizing for my favorite fics, but my days of commenting effusively may be over. I hope not; it's always possible my pizazz will come back.

From: [identity profile] mywitch.livejournal.com


I've become a huge fan of lifeasapottedplant - such gorgeous pieces. Your icon is beautiful too, by the way.

I have the world's worst memory, so when I read fics, I write a little note about them to refresh my memory. There have been more than a few times where I've snagged one of your comments and threw it into my memo, because you have such a beautiful way of breaking what you've read and what you like about it. :D
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